There are many sides to teaching and to a teacher that the average person doesn’t see. I’ve written about teacher secrets here. To resign from a financially satisfying but energy and emotion zapping teaching job wasn’t easy, but it had to be done. Here’s a view from the inside, as well as the outside.
As a trained teacher with an honours degree and 27 years of experience, I finally threw in the tear soaked towel! I couldn’t do it anymore and knew that if I didn’t jump off the massive hamster wheel, I would have a nervous breakdown. I had all the signs pointing to the fact that a breakdown was imminent and for some time and for some reason I ignored it. Those closest to me knew something was wrong with me and some did try to say something but I denied it. Through the pursed, quivering lips I kept saying “I’m fine, just one of those days!” But those days only turned into weeks, terms and then years! I’ve often thought about why I had kept denying it and it’s only recently, with the help of a counsellor and some deep soul searching that I figured it out. I was too embarrassed to say that I probably wasn’t made of ‘teaching material’ or my ‘material’ was running out or that ‘the system’ had beaten me.
After all why couldn’t I keep up with teaching 4 hours a day? I had The Teacher’s Toolkit (and by the way I found it to be an amazing resource). That’s simple, isn’t it? Sure! Add to the 4 hours now. One hundred books to be marked daily, add formal feedback to be given, meetings which always took much longer than stated, meeting with parents at set times, but also those unplanned for, trying to do a club or activity after school (so you would feel like a worthwhile member of the school community), reading through and replying to at least a dozen emails a day (and always having to prepare some other document that was being requested), doing a duty at break time, tidying away after one lesson and preparing for another one, having a few minutes lunch break but using the time to prepare resources and checking the register while praying that a particular child was absent (and he/she won’t be!).
Surely all this is manageable, you say. Well no, as there’s always a new member of the senior management team whose sole job it seems is to get rid of whatever strategic plans and protocol implemented by his successor (and which all staff had just got used to) and implement his/her own! Add to that as well the unwelcome visits to your classroom several times a year to scrutinise, to catch you out, to hope you fail! And what of the silly expectations put on you regarding student performance? Now we all know that all animals move, but not all at the same pace, right? Yet I was expected (and teachers still are expected) to get all students to make the same sub-levels of progress! That is despite the fact that for some, attendance is poor, some have learning difficulties, some are in charge at home with absolutely no boundaries, some are the sole carer for parents who may be drug addicts and or alcoholics, some are mentally challenged and a good number don’t even want to be there!
Well you did take on the job and pledged to be the best teacher you could be, I hear you say! Right? Well yes, that’s why if two students get involved in a physical altercation in my classroom, my natural instinct is to try to separate them (by the way I was so badly shaken up once while separating two girls who had each other’s hair locked for the kill, that I couldn’t carry on teaching for at least an hour after!), if two best friends fall out I try to mediate, if a child trusts me to talk to me about a matter bothering them I will give a listening ear, if a child is tearful I don’t just say “dry your tears and get on with your work!”, and that’s why I do everything in my power to treat a child as I would want my own child to be treated at school.
But it got too difficult, in fact for me, it got impossible. Politicians didn’t make my job easier either. Each change brought people who had their own ideas and who wanted their names cemented in the history books of the future. So changes were made without regard for the people on the frontline who would have to implement the changes and bear the backlash. And that frontline did take its toll. On weekends I did feel guilty for doing anything else other than school work, preparing resources, marking, and reading ahead. At nights I found myself staring into the blackness for hours, too scared to fall asleep, as there were plans to be made, parents to be contacted, meetings to plan and to attend, books that weren’t marked, school events coming up. Sleep did come eventually, but only after making the decision that if I wanted this job I had to do everything necessary to keep it, including smiling with people even when inside ached and writhed in anger about what was being done to me.
And then one day it dawned on me! It’s as if my inner self was saying “is this what your life is really going to be like? And how long can you keep up this ‘career’ of yours?” That day I had been at school from 7:30 am, taught until 3pm, had a meeting until about 4:30pm, went back to the computer to carry on working, and finally decided when it started to get dark that I had better go home and carry on finishing all the documents I had to work on. Well on the way home, I had a flat tyre and, while waiting for assistance, I made my mind up: I wasn’t going to carry on like this. That night, I slept well. First really good, natural sleep in a very long time. I haven’t looked back since and have resolved to never get myself in that position again.
Life is worth living, I say. But I know that across the country there are thousands of others like me who have made the decision to quit, and the profession, I’m sure, is worse off for it. Others still go in everyday, secretly planning their escape route, and I really wish them all the best.
Now I work from home on my blog and as a freelance writer. I focus well, and I am motivated by my ROI. I spend my time how I choose, but wisely because my time is worth so much to me in monetary terms. My health is much better and I am out of the rat race.
I’ve been observing from the outside too! And it’s not pretty, what I’m seeing.
So when my friend called me the other morning as she was driving to school to do her best for the day, and I put on my chirpiest voice to greet her, she burst out crying, “I just can’t do this anymore, what they’re asking of me is totally impossible, I just feel like I’m doing five people’s jobs everyday and I just feel like …” I realised I had made the right decision to jump off the wheel. What would you do? I had just stepped out of the shower to get dressed for my day when she called. I won’t share the advice I gave her here (reserved for the book I’m writing) but I’m sure if she made it into school that day she is one day going to be so mad with herself about it! When I tried to suggest that she needed a break, her response was, “but those kids need me! If I’m not there, then my groups are going to fall behind the others!”
Her explosion reminded me so much of what I went through, and, needless to say I had a big pity party and crying session all over again in my room! It brings back such a flood of emotions of what I had been going through. You should have seen the state I was in!
Today my grade 4 teacher celebrates her birthday. She’s retired, looking young as ever, and so contented with life. I’d like to think that she is happy that she taught during the time she did, and I can bet you anything, she never cried even one day about her job!
Do you think I just don’t have the ambition to carry on with my teaching career? Think I was being lazy, or did I just get to the end of that tether? Was it a good decision to resign my teaching job? Let me know what you think, and be gentle with me please, lol.
UPDATE: I have gone back to a school on a part-time basis but my current love is blogging and writing books. Who knew you could make money blogging?
Check this post if you would like to start your own blog
Also this link if you want to check out my latest book on Amazon or here if you want a free copy.
UPDATE 2: We have both fully left teaching and think we have done our fair share. Time to live a more relaxed and stress-free life.
Not sure which one of the twins I am talking to but during the 2014 nominations at church I requested not to be re-elected for a leadership position I held for years. Because I realized that that responsibility was sucking the life out of me spiritually. Its not that I didn’t enjoy the job, I loved it! But it was the people I had to deal with that were affecting my mental and spiritual well-being. Then last year during the nomination process I asked not to be re-elected to another leadership position I had and again it wasn’t because I didnt enjoy it but I needed to take care of myself. So I walked away…for the first time since I was a teenager I was a member of a church with no responsibility. I am still trying to get used to it but guess what I go to church happy and not wondering how a meeting is going to end. There comes a point in our lives when we need to walk away and take care of ourselves. By the way, next time someone makes an observation about your emotional well being, it might be a good idea to listen. I am going through peri menopause and there was a time last year when I thought I was losing my mind. My behavior around family was pointed out and I knew I wasn’t imagining things. I wish you all the best as you take on this new chapter of your life. Blessings always.
A www Erica. I know exactly what you mean! Life is so much better when you put off the unnecessary stress. We do share the blog, Leisa and I. So who are you talking to? Lol
Hello there.
I fully appreciate what you are saying and I’m only a NQT. Every day I wake up at 5.30am, do the normal shower and dress and then make sure I’m set for the day. Make it to school for 7am go through the mountain of emails and then see what meeting/ duty I have before school. Then theres Tutor time where every girl needs to be reminded about self confidence and the boys to clam down and put the sweets that they classified as breakfast away. Then the chewing gum sweep followed by register and anything from literacy to theme of the week to assembly. By 9.05 Im already mentally shattered. Teach all day along with duties and then off course the marking, evening meeting and clubs. By 5.30pm the dutifully named ‘sad sap bell’ rings which indicates you really should have gone home long ago and yet all you can see is the pile of bits you need to finish. Go home have a quick dinner and bath then more marking. As an NQT I am also supposed to fit in my folder and make sure I have enough evidence to say I’m doing as i should. Im lucky if i can fit it in during the half term holidays (today is Easter Day and I am still up at 00:20 going through evidence). With education heading the way it is, I can see a lot of us teachers either flaking, having breakdowns or quitting which is such a sad thing to happen to the profession. I came into teaching with high hopes of making a difference and helping others, teaching students not just the lessons i prepare but how to be kind, look out for each other and be proud of themselves. Instead I’m 7 months into my first job and lucky if i get to finish working by 10pm so i can go to bed in order to function the next day. Whatever you are doing now I wish you the best of luck, I hope you succeed in your new job/ area of work and well done on the escape.
Oh Tanya! I see a burnout coming fast! Although you’re only an NQT it’s a wise idea to start exploring your options. I came in with high hopes too! I really wish you all the best. You do make a difference to the young people’s lives, and some of them will let you know but please do look after YOU. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing, we do appreciate it. Put your pen down and feet up for at least one day of the break.
Jo and Leisa xxx
I left the profession eighteen months ago having felt just as you did. I had the added stress of a son who has a disability living at home too, so I felt guilty in the evenings and weekends because I was spending so much time on planning and marking. I had a very unsupportive leadership team. I led a department with some very awkward people in it who would not pull their weight, follow procedure or support me yet they went unpunished and faced no consequences. I however, had to keep doing more and more for their groups (power points, worksheets, all schemes of work, follow up on poor behaviour, rudeness, lack of homework) or the leadership team blamed me! I got to a point when I knew that I needed my life back. I do not regret my decision at all. I feel lighter, happier and more balanced.
The profession I left was not the one I joined thirty years ago. I am glad I could leave as we are in a financially sound place. I pity young teachers as there are too many silly, pointless directives being imposed on teachers and schools which will not improve standards at all. There are many students who will never develop a lifelong love of learning as a result. It is so sad.
I can fully relate to everything you have written. I wish you well and though I’m not happy you have had this experience it’s good to know I’m not on my own and I’m not just a weak person. I love teaching and being with the kids it’s all the other rubbish that goes with teaching now. I have just decided to drop down to 4 days but if I was in a better financial situation but move away from teaching completely. I am currently exploring lots of different options so that I can move on (I’m not going to say quit cos I don’t feel like I am quitting I feel like I have no other choice if I am to preserve my good mental health and well being)
Well well…
I am so with you as it relates to looking in to your options. I also went down to four days to maintain a bit of sanity but although I did it for 3 years, it didn’t work. Yay me! lol
Having read your passge above, I can certainly relate. I have been teaching for 21 years and while I love my job, so much of what you have said rings true. Your advice of look after YOU is so important. I think what you have exhibited here is amazing courage – certainly not laziness. I wish you every happiness in whatever direction your life takes you.
I’m happy that I finally had the courage to share. I’m also happy that its giving lots of people the chance to think about what they’re going through and whether this is actually a life! I say get out while you can, but look out for your options.Thanks for your well wishes Ben.
My dear all I can say is kudos to you. After my first five years I decided to call the shots, took leave and planned to find something I would enjoy likewise (working with people…) but less stressful. The time ran out and I wasn’t successful in getting what I pursued so the non_risky me with all my fears of no salary and other securities etc went straight back to my job.
I can id with everything you said and it seems to be everywhere many have made similar decisions and the system often suffers while those individuals live longer and feel more fulfilled plus free. Key thing (you said you hid your feelings for a long time) talk but talk to the experienced and who can give wise counsel…that you eventually did.
It is really such a pity that we often gets or moreso feels trapped in these “secured positions” and remain in it and the system and all it’s bureaucracies eat us to the core as we try to keep up and meet demands. If it were at all possible to see fast job turnover in the classroom where ever so often teachers have to be sought, I guess a strong message would have been sent to authorities.
As Erica Johnson said in her response, she needed to take care of herself ( I am adding …her one little self ) We sometimes are too willing to take on too much as others have grand excuses not to. We take them and kill ourselves under the strain. I had to painfully let go of some too and still learning not to feel guilty with thus freedom…lol.
I wish you all the best Jo….much success, fulfilment, happiness and peace.
12 weeks more and I am out of here for good after 29 years. I can’t wait till the last day!!!!!
Jenn no wonder you have that smug look on your face! Enjoy
Hi, I had the financial freedom to give up teaching after 6 years. Thank god! The best decision I ever made!! It was slowly eroding me away. I was so conscientious! And a fab teacher but second best was never good enough for me. After 1 tough year, I knew i needed a break with the summer coming I was relieved. I made sure I had a proper break, I didn’t work too much, just enough. I tried! But 8 days in to the autumn term I found myself sobbing in the supermarket aisles shopping for food at 8pm as I had no food in! I knew then that I had not ‘got over it’, I was in danger of melting down! I survived another year but with a light at the end of the tunnel!!!
Your experience was mine many times over! Thank goodness we retained our sanity! All the best Vicki
Teaching is a rat race with goal posts continually moving. Just when you think you’ve nailed it, it’s off in another direction. After 16 years of teaching I still love it and couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I’ve spent the Easter weekend marking coursework and only have four days left of term before breaking up for two weeks. Lessons are planned upto the summer hols (that’s just me) and my marking’s upto date do I’m going to enjoy two weeks with my family in London. Most experiences are totally dependent on your school and whether you are treated with the professionalism deserved. I am lucky to be in a fantastic school, with an amazing team of colleagues and great students. As HOD I’ve rewritten the D&T and Food schemes of work nearly every year. HOWEVER/BUT, I’m constantly exhausted.. Two weekends ago, knowing we were away for the Easter break I remained at home marking while my parents took my sons to the County Swimming Champs. I missed both boys being awarded gold medals. For me this was the last straw. My boys (aged 10 and 12) need me more now than ever before and with a husband in the Police Force I knew things had to change. We are looking at relocating and I’m looking for non TLR posts so I can do the job I joined teaching for. Good luck with your new challenges. Lazy? No!
Hi Rachel. I enjoyed reading your comments, so inspiring. I used to feel bad when I went to watch my son on weekends because I had so much school work to do! I also agree that just when you think you’ve nailed it, they change the posts, lol
Good luck in all you do and may the little ones continue to bring home the gold.
Yep in life whatever you are doing that gives you sleepless night is not worth it ,hats off God bless you in this new venture.
Thanks for that Pauline
I know what you mean. I have just resigned after 35 years on the chalk face. I only worked 4 days a week but still spent most of my spare time planning, marking etc. I am nearly 60 yrs old and finally felt that trying to get children who didn’t want to learn to become educated was a waste of my time. I loved the job but eventually felt it is more important to love myself and give time to myself. I told my head I love being round people but the admin/ paperwork/target setting simply makes not worth doing anymore. I will find a part time job in a shop where I can have the interaction with people but can walk away at the end of the day and do other things with my life.
Margaret you truly inspire me. You’ve put this thing in words really beautifully. I wish you all the very best as you enjoy life
I have been out of the teaching profession, unintentionally, since 2013. I had taken 2012 off to study because I felt that I had run out of ideas. I was empty. I needed to be challenged. I have no regrets that I took the year off. My batteries were recharged and I was ready to re-enter the teaching profession, but I got side tracked.
I decided to write books. I have written two so far. One, “The Teacher’s Gift” is my reflection on the job of teaching. There are several chapters in this book about maintaining one’s mental health. I think that we teachers have been allowing the job to take a toll on us, because we are afraid of losing our jobs. We have muted our voices and are allowing ourselves to be dragged any which way by the leaders of the education enterprise.
I understand the constraints under which we work, but we have the power to do something about it. Of course, doing something may mean leaving the profession or it may mean staying and take on the system head on.
My book, I believe, provides the teacher with some techniques to manage the job of teaching.
I have taken a break from the classroom, but I am prepared to return. I feel ready to take on that challenge again, and I can assure you that I won’t be internalising any of the stresses that come with the job. Teaching is one of those jobs where one has to learn how to manage one’s responsibilities. Unfortunately, this learning usually takes a number of years.
Good luck with your book. It will provide one of several perspectives on the job of teaching, which hopefully will attract the attention of education policy makers inside and outside of the school, and they will be moved to humanise the job of teaching again.
Janet you have both the life experience and the ‘book’ one! Good for you. I wish you all the best for the future. I’ll be sure to check out your book too!
If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
That is the reason I stopped teaching, I saw problems, and I did not see me being a part of the solution.
I worked with “at risk” youth and I found that the most constant issue students had was the lack of present parents. It felt ridiculous to send my child to daycare, so I could go to work with youth who was having problems because their parents were at work. Even the daycare people were sending their kids to different day cares and taking care of other kids! It was a badly ran circle.
I feel like I am part of the solution now. Because I stay home with my kids there are now three less people in this world growing up without parental support.
I’m glad you were able to find peace and I love what you have been doing with your time (this blog and the goodies you share in it).
Your post just reminded me why I quit my teaching job 10 years ago. I only managed to last for 4 years and felt totally overwhelmed. I still think this was one of my best life decisions and I don’t miss that at all.
I’m happy for you and hope you are truly blessed and not stressed, which are what I was after.
It’s sad to hear that you have left the academe but I’m happy that you came back as a part timer.
I’m an educator too and a travel blogger as well. I was contemplating of leaving my vocation as well but I feel that this is where I belong. 🙂 Hence I’m juggling two of my passion as of the moment.
Thumbs up to your article.
More power to your. 🙂
Joleisa I totally get you! I gave a lot too for blogging. I have no regrets I am happier doing what I love!
I can relate, having friends in the teaching industry! It’s unfortunate it drives away good and caring teachers! I’m happy to see you found a niche in blogging! Best wishes,
Katherine
As a former classroom teacher, I can totally relate to this post. All the extra demands placed on you are simply overwhelming. I loved teaching too, but not all of the extra stuff we were required to do, and it kept adding up year after year. At the end of the day, we must do what is best for us as we only have one life to live!
Thank you for sharing. I am also a teacher and a blogger. Teaching requires such hard work and the pay does not come close to the amount of effort we put in. My hope is that blogging can supplement my income while teaching since I really do enjoy it.
This was an interesting read! Thank you for making this 🙂
4 more months and I’ll be right there with you. Thanks for sharing your story!!
OMG! Been there; done that; quit that. Twenty years later, one of my dreams came true. A former 4th grade student of mine contacted me and declared that I changed her life. 15 years of suffering through an impossible job and all my work is finally validated.
What an awesome story! I love that you got out!
How brave and exciting. I too have thought about quitting my job and blogging for a living though it is also hard work. I think you chose a great balance doing two of the things you love.
PS I’d love to join your Pinterest Frugal/Thrifty 101 group board. I’m over at http://www.pinterest.com/luckymojitos
thanks!
Thanks for stopping by. I have sent you an invitation to join the board. Happy pinning
Nothing is more precious than your peace of mind! Great read it was! Thank you!
Thank you for being so honest about your experience as a teacher. It can certainly be an all-consuming job at times, despite onlookers thinking it’s a walk in the park. I think many teachers have a love-hate relationship with their work but most cannot see a way out even if they want to quit. It takes a lot of courage to leave a profession you’ve invested so much time into, so I admire your decision and, sadly, I think more will follow in your footsteps unless something dramatic changes. Personally, I found that changing school helped me – and I’d also recommend asking about staff well-being policies if any of your teacher readers have a job interview. At the end of the day, teacher well-being is paramount.
Thanks so much for stopping by. I was already deflated by the time I changed schools. But I take your points into consideration and other teachers going through such stress should consider those too. I actually have no regrets and feel that I served my time and enjoyed most of it.
Its so great to read your post. Its rings very true with me too. I am currently signed off work for insomnia. I have written my letter of resignation but am too scared to send it. I am at an amazing school but have reached the end of my tether – the long days, the constant pressure, the clubs, parents evenings, hoards of emails, children’s complex needs etc etc. I just do not enjoy it anymore. I have been teaching for ten years. My sleep pattern has been poor for the last four years and it brings on terrible spouts of depression and anxiety. Furthermore, I want to start a family but am way to stressed to have a baby right now and am 35 so need to get cracking! I think I’m burnt out and I am worried that I am heading for a breakdown. I need encouragement to just do it!!
It’s really painful to hear of other people going through what we went through. I get messages all the time about this. Assess your situation really well and then once you make the decision, go for it. You will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It was such a relief for others too. You also need to think of an alternative. IT might not pay as much, but it should result in much better quality of life and your mental health. Thanks for stopping by and do shoot us a message if you do need to chat.
Thanks so much for your support and encouragement. I have since resigned and already feel better. Hurrah to having a healthy and balanced life!
You go, girl! Enjoy your freedom and peace of mind.