When we’re younger, dating is fun. We meet up for coffee after meeting someone at school or in a bar. We take trips to the cinema or go out for meals. There’s no pressure. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t turn into anything. We are just happy getting to know people and exploring our options. Then, many of us settle down. We enter long-term relationships or get married, and we hope never to need to go on a date again.
Unfortunately, however, for some of us, our realities are a little different. Many marriages end up needing the services of Leading Divorce Solicitors, or, even more tragically in widowhood. Then, after grieving for the relationship and what we’ve lost, we might consider getting out there and dating once more.
There are several things to seriously consider when you go back into the dating scene and one major one is how to deal with the finances. This is regardless of whether or not you’re both at the ‘getting serious’ stage. It is something I have personally thought a lot about. It really isn’t easy to just go blindly into another relationship and not consider the consequences of joining or not joining finances.
This can be terrifying, especially if you’ve got kids at home. If you haven’t been on a date for years, or even decades, the idea of meeting someone new on a date can fill you with anxiety and panic. It can be the last thing that you want to do, even if you’ve decided that it’s time. Here are some tips to help you prepare for that first date after a significant break from the dating scene.
Don’t rush your dating and finances
Eventually, dating can be great. It can give you companionship, boost your confidence and help you to move on with your life. It could even lead to something more serious. But, don’t rush. Rushing into dating or rushing a relationship after that first date could be a mistake. Take your time, wait until you are ready, and don’t just date to get back at an ex or to prove a point. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons when you are ready. You can protect your finances on the first date by agreeing on things like the venue, activity, and who will foot the bill.
Take it Slowly
When you were younger, taking something slowly meant not rushing to third base, or not taking them home to meet your family. After a long break, it can mean something very different. If you’re not ready to meet for that first date, why not try online dating? Take your time to chat with someone, even talking on the phone, before you even meet. Make sure that you are entirely comfortable with someone before you even meet them if that makes you more comfortable.
And certainly, do not go into any financial arrangements with anyone you have not met face to face with!
It’s ok to tell your date the truth. While you might not want to spend the evening talking about your ex or upsetting yourself with the breakup details, it’s ok to tell your date that this is your first date in a long time and that you’ve been through something tough. If they’re not ok with taking things slow and offering you support, try someone else that is.
Even though it’s great, to be honest, I don’t know that spelling out your financial situation on the first date will win you any favours.
Keep an Open Mind
Remember, once we’re out of our 20’s, most of us have a bit of baggage. Many people on the dating scene have exes, kids, complications and interesting histories. So, keep an open mind. Don’t judge someone on their backstory or assume that you won’t get on. Give people the same chance that you are giving yourself. The opportunity to move on and create something new.
When it comes to finances, give your date a chance too, but it doesn’t mean that you start linking finances right away. This aspect must be thoroughly thought out and if you are at all uncomfortable, it is best to let everyone handle their own finances.
We would love to hear your ideas about dating and finances. Do shoot us a comment or two below.