Here’s my disclaimer to this post on forgive and forget to start off with: It is not easy, but it is so worth it!
Have you ever been hurt and hurt and hurt by the same person? Feels like torture, doesn’t it? But the right thing to do is to forgive! The forgiveness part is difficult! The forgetting part? That’s much worse.
How can you forget the pain? How can you forget when others keep reminding you of what happened? How can you forget especially when you see the person almost every day. How can you forget when you bear the scars (sometimes physical) of the assault you suffered at their hands?
Well let’s start with first things first: forgive
Ever heard this seventy times seven malarkey? Well I have, and I’ve started to practise it. But how? If you really think about it, someone who hurts you, wrongs you, so often just has absolutely no idea just how much they are hurting you! And that’s the reason you should forgive them… They just don’t know!
Now turn the tables. Do you know that you hurt people every day too? Sometimes it’s planned but sometimes you do it inadvertently! Would you want the other person’s forgiveness? Or would you want them to constantly be angry at you for what you’ve done? Because the shoe is on the other foot, it’s hard to see. But you do hurt people too, more than you will ever know! So forgive, and get rid of the anger!
Whether you read the Bible or the Koran or some other book that offers guidelines for living, you will see the advice given: forgive them for they know not what they do. Also, how often is it suggested that you forgive the same person? Up to seventy times seven! That’s a whopping four hundred and ninety times! I know it sounds difficult and for me, it’s been easy! I forgive! How? I just let it go, forget about it, give new chances after chances! And I usually get hurt again and again and again. But here comes the hard part!
Forget about it? I’ve tried, but I can’t. Can you? But then again who says that I should forgive and forget? I’m going to bet that that’s not even biblical! It’s man made! Someone came up with this idea to add FORGET! And that’s where I find it difficult, no, impossible. The pain of physical abuse, a cheating spouse, willful lies, being robbed, mentally abused and treated unfairly, those are difficult, if not impossible to forget.
I’m going to pause and do some research on this idea of forgive and forget. Brb…
Well! Result! The bible, (my favourite version) does not mention forgive and forget! It mentions that we should forgive. So, that’s my resolve. That’s what I will do when I am wronged. In fact, I will try to have a forgiving spirit so that even if the perpetrator doesn’t seek forgiveness, I will forgive anyway. I will take Matthew 6:14 and Ephesians 4:32 as my guide. And I will seek to be forgiven when I know I have wronged someone. But even if I don’t know that I have wronged them, I’m hoping they will have the same forgiving spirit too, and not hold anger against me!
So how to forgive? Follow this advice: …be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted and forgive one another just as God for Christ sake has forgiven you. You let go of the baggage when you forgive. It leaves you feeling so much lighter and makes you a better person for it too! Just feels like your batteries have been recharged.
Sorry for putting the forgetting part in the title; I can’t help with that but oh how I wish I could. So, okay, I’ve failed. But still, remember to forgive.
Have you got a personal story of how forgiving someone benefit you? Share with us in the comment box below. By the way, if you’re a blogger, you get to share your last post too!
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Have a fab week xxx
Glad to see you wrote a post on forgiveness to ?
Ha! A few weeks ago at church this is what the sermon was about and I was impressed to share my views on the matter. Thanks for popping by Michele
My story on forgiveness. (Also on my blog, but here I’ll be a tad bit more specific): I had anger and bitterness in my heart for my manager recently, and these feelings weren’t doing anyone any good, especially for my relationships with God and others who didn’t really offend me. I wanted to spend time with God, but was not able to spend much quality time because of this sin (i.e…moral wrongdoing) in my heart. So, I asked a friend of mine at church for advice. She helped me understand what forgiveness is better and reminded me of how much Jesus forgave me for my sins. Then, I went to church and learned more about forgiveness and worship there. It is then that I decided, with the help of many praying friends (you know who you are), to forgive this person. I started praying for this person blessings upon their life. I sent them an encouraging note. And I realized that when I did these things that a.) The person wasn’t as bad as I had made them out to be. b.) That I was so much happier and freer to love others, because this weight of bitterness and anger was lifted off me. So, if this person ever reads this (you know who you are), I forgive you and I hope you will forgive me too for holding anger and bitterness in my heart towards you.
Great post, and may I add that forgiveness is not primarily for the other person, it’s for YOU…It’s not hurting the other person as much if you hold a grudge. This person didn’t really care or know how much he had offended me. But holding a grudge hurt ME a lot. It also started to poison my other relationships and fellowship with God. But once I had completely let go of the grudge I had towards this person, I began to be able to serve God more wholeheartedly!
Thanks for this post. Sometimes it is not easy to forgive someone if this person has hurt you. Time and trust give me strength to forgive.
xox
Jen
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So true. As I said, if you really sit and consider… they have NO IDEA how much they are hurting you! That, for me makes it easier. It’s the forgetting part I struggle with. I wish someone would share that formula with me. Happy you could stop by Jen, you deserve a medal. lol
Really great post Jo and Leisa! Sometimes it can be really hard to move on when you’ve been hurt so many times. Sometimes you have to let go and forgive just to give yourself some peace so I agree with all of your points here!
Keep up the great work ladies!
Oh Jess! For years I found this so difficult.But it’s becoming much easier to do. I need help with the forgetting part. Thanks for stopping by Jess.
xoxo
Hi there! I really needed this today. I’ve been carrying around the reminders of being hurt in the past. It’s easy to feel the anger when you think on the situation. I’ve also been reminded that I need to be careful in not being the one who does the hurting. Have a great weekend ladies! I love the color of your blog – green is one of my favorite colors.
The peace you feel when you are finally able to forgive! But I also think it’s important not to wilfully offend others too. Oh thanks, we love green too!
You know what I find funny? You forgive someone, and then you read something like this and realize you must forgive them again… even if you’ve already done “the work.” I’ve always found it easier to forgive if I can – like you – remember how much I hurt others without realizing it. It’s like a neutralizing of acid – the pain dissipates like nothing ever happened. The only problem is that sometimes, the hurt comes back like an old ghost. Thank goodness for your timely word. Thank you for sharing this, Jo & Leisa!!
http://www.skyword.com/contentstandard/marketing/its-time-to-stop-marketing-to-millennials/
I so agree. But like someone else said, we are made to keep the memories of the hurt. And it helps us somehow to avoid making some of the decisions we continue to make daily. Beth thanks so much for stopping by. I really appreciate it.
I think you’re being too harsh on yourself by expecting g to forget. Forgive, yes – but we’re not designed to forget. It protects us from duplicating mistakes for a start.
So clever! Thanks for that.
I, too have written about forgiveness. It’s magical. Forgiveness is a great path to inner healing. This does not mean forget, bit rather allowing you to stand in your power and not theirs. Xoxo
I went through an emotional and mentally abusive relationship a couple of years ago. It was difficult to come to the decision to leave, but when I did, I felt lighter. I forgave this person so many times, but I never forgot what he put me through. I don’t hold onto the anger anymore, but sometimes it hurts. I’ll blame remembering certain painful parts of the relationship on the planets retrograding or the moon! I’m grateful for that relationship and what it taught me. And even though it was a rough time in my life, I wouldn’t change it for the world because it taught me so much about myself.
I have two instances to share so I will try to be brief. The first one is my sister, the other is a friend of a friend and also my friend.
Mother passed away and left a small piece of property. Connected to her property is a piece that belonged to my stepfather. He had no children. He left all his property and stuff to his attorney friend only as a power of attorney. This atty. decided it was time to sale and settle, just like he was part of the family. He contacted both me and my sister who lives in Kansas. I kept getting this emails from my sister not really stating a topic or an intention but they were ultimately related to the properties. I got vibes and impressions from her emails, strongly. So I just waited. I think I’m pretty good at reading people’s intentions. A partner of the atty called me and I told her what I thought, that Mr. Atty. was trying to steal something that was not his and I hung up and asked that she not call again. I got a letter from the atty. stating a very low price by a buyer who lived near the property and also added that it would be costly to take it to court. I searched for this buyers contact info, I even looked on google maps and court records but there was no neighbor by that name. Then I got really suspicious. And my thoughts were that I don’t have to do anything, so this wealthy attorney would get it for pennies and then resale it for thousands. I finally figured out that my sister was trying to get me to release my part to her, since I live so far away and she is very close and any money is better than nothing. The last email I wrote to her was to the point and not mean or anything like that. I stated that until she tells me differently, I will assume she is on my side and I’ve left it at that. This was three years ago. She did not contact me further which proved to me her intention all along. I also have not heard from the atty. He is appx. 88 yrs. old at this point. I think I have forgiven my sister, I pray for her every night. But, I choose not to pursue a relationship with her. She actually has been coy all her life and I’m not having any more of it. I cannot trust her. The land is still sitting there. I’m hoping to outlast Mr. atty as far as POW. I do have all the copied records of the purchase of the land and a copy of Mothers check and she made me POW for her since I was the oldest. So, life goes on. I have no ill feelings for my sister, but I just cant go back there.
The second won’t be so long. I went on a 2 week road trip through 5 states. I had already traveled with this lady on a weeks long vacay and it was fine. Starting the second day of our long trip, she started being rude and selfish and appearing to make me an uncomfortable as she possibly could without any apologies or I misspoke or anything. I was in the middle of a fabulous trip that was anything but. I just went along and kept my mouth shut hoping she would straighten up and I did not want to have a confrontation during our trip… maybe she did ?? I did the best I could and enjoyed what I could and ate some good food and saw some awesome sites. So when I got home I gave it a lot of thought and waited until the time I felt was right. I wrote her a long email and I sat on it for a few days to make sure I really wanted to do this. I did send it and it more or less summarized her behavior and how I felt targeted. She immediately blocked me on facebook and maybe her email.. but she sent me a response saying she was disappointed in me. HA! Really? This was last October. We both belong to a dining group of ladies who meet each month and sometimes take day trips together, there are 12 of us. I have also forgiven her. But I haven’t forgotten. We have sat across the table from one another on several occasions and speak generally but I’m not going there again, either.
I don’t need this manipulating conniving selfish individuals in my life. Thats all I’m going to say. My life is fine and peaceful and the rest of the ladies are a pleasure to be with so I do that. Feel free to let me know your interpretation of these events. I’ve prayed hard on these two individuals and myself.
Glad to read this post it’s amazing <3
Indeed forgiving if way away for forgetting. And i agree with you we dont forget we pretend and fool ourselves that we forgot and after sometime it feels like it too. You will find people saying” yes i do fogot her or him or this and that” and sadly that emotions or pain,anger, frustration is still stored in our subconscious and can be triggered anytime that someting associated with that event or memory will come up. The bottom like it is best to accept, acknowledge and take responsibility and learn from it so we can shift for the future.
You are so right. It’s no use just saying but not acting do still being consumed by negative emotions.
Hey, Joleisa! Thank you for sharing what you are learning about forgiveness! I’m doing a lot of thinking on the subject right now myself. I agree that forgetting is not realistic or even wise (or biblical)! If we truly forgot what happened, we couldn’t protect ourselves or others from further abuse from dangerous people. Perhaps forgiveness is part of the healing process? As in, yes, forgive, and ALSO grieve, talk, feel, process…whatever is necessary for deep healing? And since you asked, here is my latest blog post, which is on a relevant topic 🙂
http://www.thawingout.org/index.php/2017/08/20/an-open-letter-to-my-friend-who-survived-domestic-violence/
Such a touching story. Thanks for sharing and I hope my readers will read too! You are a good person at heart. Let’s continue that way. Thanks for connecting.
xoxo
Thanks so much, Joleisa! I appreciate you reading and sending back encouraging words. As far as your friends reading it, feel free to put the link on your Facebook page or something! I would be honored 🙂
Keep thinking, feeling, writing!